Personal Responsibility
Here’s a revised version with proper grammar, smoother transitions, and improved flow:
A man once shared with me the secret to a happy marriage.
He said, "You should share responsibilities with love and respect for your spouse. Then, there will absolutely be no problems."
He continued, "In my house, I take care of decisions on bigger issues, while my wife decides on the smaller ones. We don’t interfere in each other’s decisions."
Curious, I asked him, "Can you give me some examples?"
He replied, "Smaller issues include things like which house we should buy, where the kids should go to school, and what career paths we should choose. My wife decides all of that, and I just agree."
I then asked, "What about your role?"
With a smile, he said, "I handle only the truly big issues—like whether America should make a new trade deal with China, whether Britain should lift sanctions on Zimbabwe, or who the next Prime Minister of Israel should be. And you know what? My wife NEVER objects to these decisions."
This humorous anecdote sheds light on a profound truth about life: how often we expend energy analyzing and worrying over the major, often uncontrollable issues—geopolitics, sports statistics, or the stock market—while neglecting the “minor” decisions that fall within our sphere of influence.
A recent Pew study on the state of Jewish life in America underscored this principle. In response to the findings, many prominent organizations and influencers dedicated themselves to addressing the challenges of continuity within the Jewish community. While it is worthwhile to occasionally consider the bigger picture, we must never lose sight of our personal responsibility and accountability.
We cannot rely solely on organizations and leaders to create the change we hope to see. Instead, we must ask ourselves: What am I doing to make a difference in the world?
When each individual contributes their part, the collective impact is extraordinary. While most of us may not have the power to influence millions at once, we can make meaningful changes in our own lives and positively impact our families, friends, and communities. This might include inviting a neighbor for Shabbat dinner, scheduling a Torah study session, or volunteering at a local Jewish organization.
The Talmud teaches, “Whoever saves a life saves a world,” and the Mishnah reminds us that “study is not the most important thing, but actions.”
This week’s Torah portion recounts Joseph’s emotional reunion with his brothers after years of separation. In particular, the Torah highlights Joseph and his younger brother Benjamin embracing. The verse states:
"He embraced his brother Benjamin around the neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck" (Genesis 45:14).
The Talmud offers a deeper interpretation of their weeping. Joseph wept for the future destruction of the two Holy Temples that would stand in Benjamin’s territory, while Benjamin wept for the destruction of the Tabernacle of Shiloh, which would be located in Joseph’s domain (Talmud, Megillah 16b).
Why did Joseph and Benjamin cry over the destruction in each other’s territories rather than their own?
The act of crying alleviates emotional pain but does not resolve a situation. Joseph and Benjamin understood that they needed to focus on preventing the destruction in their own territories rather than despairing over it. Their tears were reserved for situations outside their control—each wept for the other’s loss, recognizing that ultimate responsibility rested with their sibling.
Similarly, in our lives, when we see others struggling—whether physically or spiritually—it is our duty to offer support and guidance. However, we must also recognize that their destiny is shaped by their choices. If our efforts to help do not yield results, our concern may find expression in tears, but those tears should never replace action when it comes to addressing challenges within our own “temples.”
This week, we commemorate the Tenth of Tevet, marking the beginning of the Babylonian siege on Jerusalem over 2,500 years ago—a chain of events that led to the destruction of the Temple and the exile of the Jewish people. Observed as a day of fasting, mourning, and repentance, it reminds us of our responsibility to rebuild, both spiritually and physically.
As Maimonides teaches:
"A person should always see themselves as balanced equally between merit and sin, and the world as equally balanced between merit and sin. If they perform one mitzvah, they tip the balance for themselves and the entire world toward merit, bringing salvation and redemption."
Sometimes, all it takes is one mitzvah to tip the scales and bring transformation.
We look forward to the time when the fast days will be transformed into days of joy, as prophesied by Zechariah:
"The fast of the tenth month shall be for the house of Judah a time of joy, happiness, and cheerful holidays—love truth and peace" (Zechariah 8:19).
Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy, prosperous, and meaningful 2025!
