Personal Responsibility
A man once shared with me the secret behind a happy marriage.
He said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect for your spouse. Then there will absolutely be no problems".
"In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues whereas my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions".
I asked him, "Give me some examples".
He said, "Smaller issues like which house we should buy, where the kids should go to school, and what occupation we should choose are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it”.
I asked, "Then, what is your role?".
He said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should make a new trade deal with China, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, or who the next Prime Minister of Israel should be. And what do you know, my wife NEVER objects to any of these decisions…”.
How often do we spend precious time and energy analyzing and worrying about the seemingly major issues in the world like geopolitics, sports stats and the stock market, which are typically beyond our ability to control, while neglecting to focus on the “minor” decisions which are within our sphere of influence.
Following the publication of a recent Pew study highlighting the current state of Jewish affairs and where the future of Jewish life in America is heading, many prominent organizations and influencers who care deeply about the continuity of the Jewish people analyzed the reports in order to help them refocus their energies and maximize their investment of time and resources.
However, while at times it may be worthwhile to look at the bigger picture, we must never lose focus of individual responsibility and accountability. We can not rely on the major organizations and influencers alone to make the necessary changes and impact we are seeking to create.
When faced with a challenge or opportunity, the question we must ask ourselves is what am I doing to make a difference in this world. When each individual does their part, the cumulative impact is tremendous. For, ultimately, a community is made up of individuals.
While many of us may not be able to directly impact the lives of millions of people all at once, we do have the ability to make changes in our own lives and positively influence the lives of our families, friends, or business acquaintances. We can invite a neighbor for Shabbat dinner at our home, schedule a Torah study session with an acquaintance, or get involved in a local Jewish Organization in our communities.
The Talmud states, “Whoever saves a life saves a world”. Each individual represents an entire universe. Furthermore, the Mishnah relates, “Study is not the most important thing, but actions”.
In this week’s Torah portion we learn about the story of Joseph's emotional reunion with his brothers after a long dramatic series of events. The Torah makes special mention of how Joseph and his younger brother Benjamin embrace. As the verse states, “With that he embraced his brother Benjamin around the neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck (Genesis 45:14)”.
The Talmud relates the deeper significance to the reason for their weeping. “Joseph wept for the two Holy Temples that were destined to be in the territory of Benjamin and were fated to be destroyed; Benjamin wept for the Tabernacle of Shiloh that was destined to be in the territory of Joseph and fated to be destroyed (Talmud, Megillah 16b).”
Meaning, Joseph and Benjamin both saw through their prophetic vision the ultimate destruction of the Temple and Tabernacle that would occur many years later.
However, why did Joseph and Benjamin only cry over the destruction that would occur in their brothers territory but not over the destruction that would occur in their own territory?
The function of crying, generally, is to alleviate pain over a distressing situation; it does not actually improve the situation. Thus, as long as we can remedy a distressing situation, we should try to do so instead of comforting ourselves with tears. Consequently, in regard to the Temples and Tabernacle that would be destroyed in their own territory, Joseph and Benjamin understood that they had to focus on doing everything they could to forestall its destruction.
Crying about it would have been counterproductive. Joseph was ultimately powerless to stop the destruction that would occur in Benjamin's domain, since the destiny of Benjamin's territory was in Benjamin's hands. Therefore, after Joseph did everything he could do on behalf of Benjamin and still saw that the Temples would be destroyed, he felt so bad about it that he wept. Likewise, Benjamin cried for the destruction that would occur in Joseph's territory, not for his own.
In our own lives, when we see that our fellows' "temples'' are being destroyed, i.e., that they are failing in certain areas of their physical or spiritual lives and sphere of influence, we must help them by advising them gently and make a strong effort to assist them. But, ultimately, they control their own destiny by their freely made choices. At some point, if our efforts seemingly fail to produce results, our concern for them can express itself in tears. But when we see that our own "temple" lies in ruins, we do not have the luxury of comforting ourselves with crying. In fact, crying may impede our work, since we may be tempted to feel that we have fulfilled our moral obligation by the mere fact that we care, even if we do not act on our concern.
This coming week marks the Tenth day of the Hebrew month of Tevet when we commemorate the time when the armies of the evil Babylonian Emperor Nebuchadnezzar laid siege to Jerusalem over 2500 years ago. It is viewed as the beginning of the chain of events that culminated with the destruction of the Temple and the subsequent exiles which is something we are experiencing until this very day. Ever since then, this day is observed as a day of fasting, mourning and repentance.
The responsibility to rebuild the Third Temple in Jerusalem and hasten the coming of Moshiach is entrusted to each one of us. As Maimonides states, “A person should always look at himself as equally balanced between merit and sin and the world as equally balanced between merit and sin... If he performs one mitzvah, he tips his balance and that of the entire world to the side of merit and brings deliverance and salvation to himself and others”.
All it takes is one Mitzvah to tip the scale and bring Moshiach and redemption to the world.
We look forward to the time, very soon, when the fast of Tevet, along with all the other fast days, will be transformed into days of celebration with the coming of Moshaich. As the prophet Zecharia prophesied, “And the fast of the tenth [month] shall be for the house of Judah for joy and happiness and for happy holidays-but love truth and peace (Zecharia 8:19)”.
Wishing you and your family much a happy, healthy, prosperous and productive 2023!
