A Happy Marriage

Left: Modern Mikvah in the U.A.E. | Right: Ancient Mikvah in Masada, Israel

When Yigael Yadin, an Israeli archaeologist and former military Chief-of-Staff, came to Masada in the 1950s and first laid eyes on a three-pooled plastered bath system carved into rock, he did not realize that he had just made the first-ever discovery of an ancient Mikvah, a Jewish ritual bath. Hundreds more were subsequently found all over Israel.

The purpose of building a Mikvah is so that Jewish family life can continue and children can be born. This demonstrates that the Jewish rebels came to Masada not to die but to live and create new life. They understood that along with their need to provide food, shelter and other basic necessities for their families, a Mikvah was vitally important to ensure the continuity of the Jewish people.

In fact, Jewish law teaches that “building a Mikvah enjoys priority over building a synagogue, purchasing a Torah scroll, or any other Mitzvah.”

In this week’s Torah portion, Tazria-Metzora, we learn about the Mitzvah of a woman to immerse in a Mikvah after childbirth or menstruation. “And if she becomes clean of her discharge, she shall count for herself seven days, and after this, she may be cleansed.” -Leviticus Chapter 15:28

While in the Temple times the use of the Mikvah was necessary for many aspects of ritual purity for both men and women, in present times, the only biblical Mitzvah to use a Mikvah is applicable for a woman following her menstruation cycle or after childbirth and for potential converts as part of their process in converting to Judaism.

Once a month, after a period of complete cessation of intimacy at the conclusion of seven days following menstruation, the woman immerses herself in the holy waters of the Mikvah, which then allows the couple to physically reunite in an even closer and renewed way.

In recent years, many natural scientists, doctors, marriage therapists and life coaches have been teaching and demonstrating that, statistically, regulating and limiting times for intimacy in a marriage is both healthier and more beneficial to ensure a happy and successful marriage.

However, the real reasons for Mikvah extend beyond the grasp of our knowledge. The reason we keep family purity is to follow G‑d’s will. As Maimonides states: “It is obviously clear that the laws concerning defilements and purities are biblical decrees, and not things which the human mind can determine; they are classified as divine statutes. So too, immersion as a means of ridding oneself from defilement is included among the divine statutes. Defilement is not mud or filth to be removed with water, but is a matter of biblical decree; it depends on the heart's intent.”

At the same time, along with many other Mitzvot that defy human intellect, they also enhance our lives and bring joy and purpose into our relationships.

In addition to sanctifying marital life, the monthly period of separation allows couples to work on and enhance their verbal and communication skills and their soul connection so that their relationship is never reduced to a mere physical connection. The Talmud explains that observing the Mitzvah of Mikvah is the secret to a happy marriage. A constant pleasure loses its joy and excitement over time. If the husband and wife would always remain together, they would become too accustomed to each other. The time of separation enables both spouses to reflect and develop a deeper appreciation and love for one another.

In stark contrast to other religions—where intimacy is seen as a concession to the weakness of the flesh—the Torah accords intimacy an exalted and holy position. The expression of intimacy is a Mitzvah. In fact, it is the first Mitzvah in the Torah and one of the holiest of all human endeavors.

Moreover, intimacy signals the possibility and potential for new life, the formation of a new body and the descent from heaven of a new soul. In their fusing, man and woman become part of something larger; in their transcendence of the self, they draw on, and even touch, the Divine. They enter into a partnership with G‑d; they come closest to taking on the G-dly attribute of creator. In fact, the sacredness of the intimate union remains unmitigated even when the possibility of conception does not exist. In the metaphysical sense, the act and its potential remain linked.

Kabbalah teaches that the physical and spiritual health of a child and their moral innate character is influenced greatly by the way their soul entered the world during intimacy. Furthermore, Judaism teaches that even if a woman never had the opportunity to immerse in a Mikvah until after menopause, she should immerse herself in the Mikvah one last time and it will bring blessings to her family and ensure that the purity remains a part of the home for the rest of her life.

While technically, most natural bodies of water may serve as a Mikvah, there are many intricate laws as to what can qualify or disqualify a Kosher Mikvah. Therefore, it is preferable to use a specially built Mikvah pool which also has many amenities available as well. In recent years, thousands of beautiful Mikvahs have been built across the globe with some even rivaling luxurious European spas. From Nigeria to New Zealand, from the U.A.E. to Westchester County, you will be able to find a Mikvah in almost any Jewish community around the world (please see here for a complete directory).

Our sages tell us that "in the merit of the righteous women our ancestors were redeemed from Egypt (Talmud, Sota)". It was the women who never despaired of G‑d's redemption. In fact, while the men had lost heart and were dejected and had no desire to procreate, not wanting to subject their children to the hardships of slavery, the women were upbeat—confident that a better day was soon to come. They seduced their husbands in the fields, and raised a generation of children who witnessed G‑d's miraculous salvation.

According to the master-kabbalist the Arizal, the souls of the final generation before Moshiach's arrival are reincarnations of the souls of the generation of the Exodus. Just as then it was in the merit of the women's faith that the Israelites were redeemed, so, too, it will be in the merit of the righteous women of our generation, and their unwavering belief in the Redemption, that we will be redeemed once again.