Unconditional Love

A little while ago, after being disciplined for misbehavior, my son innocently asked me, “Do you still love me?”

It’s easy to dismiss children’s words as just blabber. Though, often enough, the most profound ideas and insights can be gleaned from the expressions and refreshing questions of small children.

By asking “Do you still love me”, he was essentially wondering if a parent's love to a child is unconditional or if it is conditional on good behavior.

The same question may be applied to other areas of life. How much of our relationship with our spouse, relatives, friends, clients etc. is dependent on external transient factors and how much of it is due to unconditional love and care.

As succinctly expressed in Ethics of our Fathers (5:19): “Any love that is dependent upon a condition, when the condition ceases, the love ceases; but if is not dependent upon anything, it will never cease.

In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Sisa, we learn about a seemingly disturbing and perplexing event that occurred less than forty days after the Jewish people heard the Ten Commandments from G-d on Mount Sinai.

Moses had ascended the mountain for forty days and nights to study the entire Torah from G-d in order to teach it to the Jewish people both in the written and oral forms. When Moses did not return from Mount Sinai on the expected date, the people made a golden calf and worshiped it as a replacement of their leader.

Just a few hours later, Moses descended from the mountain carrying the tablets of the testimony engraved with the Ten Commandments; seeing the people dancing about their idol, he broke the tablets and destroyed the golden calf. G‑d proposed to destroy the Jewish nation, but Moses interceded on their behalf. As a faithful leader, he declared to G‑d and said: “If You do not forgive them, blot me out from the book that You have written (Exodus 32:32).” He wished to have no part of the Torah and Judaism if the Jewish people were to be destroyed as a result of their misconduct. G‑d ultimately forgave the Jewish people and instructed Moses to prepare a new set of tablets.

While, at face value, the story seems to be demonstrating the disloyalty of some of the people towards G-d and Moses, however, the response and aftermath to this event also demonstrates the greatest qualities of the Jewish people and Moses.

Although G-d is united with the Torah, His connection with His people is even more profound, as evidenced by the fact that the Jewish people preceded the Torah in creation. As a reflection of this, the bond between Moses and his people also transcended his bond to the Torah; therefore, if the Jewish people were to be annihilated, Moses saw no reason to remain part of the Torah.

Rashi, Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki (Troyes, France 1040-1105), explains that Moses broke the tablets to protect the Jewish people from liability. If G-d were to ask why the people disobeyed the Torah, he would reply that they had not yet received the tablets and were therefore not yet bound by its rules.

Of course, G-d understood the essential nature of the Jewish people, but by challenging Moses and the Jewish people, G-d was empowering them to reveal their innate good qualities on their own terms.

The same holds true for the bond between all true Jewish leaders and their flock. This essential bond remains intact even when the Jew disregards his or her connection to the Torah, as the Talmud states, “even when a Jew sins, he still remains a Jew.” Moses was therefore ready to sacrifice his connection with Torah and be removed from its pages for the sake of his people—all of his people, even those who worshiped the Golden Calf.

The lesson here for us, first of all, is that we must strive to emulate Moses' self-sacrifice for the Jewish people. It is not sufficient to simply fulfill the commandment to "love your fellow as yourself"; we must be ready to go out of our comfort zone to love and help every Jew, even those who may look or think differently than us.

We can invite a friend or neighbor for Shabbat dinner at our home, take time to share a relevant Torah insight with a business acquaintance, or do a random act of kindness to a complete stranger.

While the connection and unity of the Jewish people with G-d transcends even the Torah, G-d gave us the Torah and His Mitzvot so that we have the inspiration, guidelines and ability to develop a relationship with Him and transform this world into a home for G-d. Our involvement and dedication to Judaism should only enhance our connection and love with our fellow Jews and not, G-d forbid, lead to the contrary.

While the Torah itself outlines when exceptions must be made, especially when it pertains to life and death situations, care must also be taken not to change the traditions and teachings of Judaism based on one’s personal preferences even if it seems that it would benefit more people as a result. Since, ultimately, changing or compromising Jewish values and beliefs, even with the best intentions in mind, may actually cause more assimilation and confusion G-d forbid.

The fact that every Jew will forever remain an indispensable part of his or her people is the reason why our Sages declare that in the future Redemption, no one will be left behind. The positive quality that is present within every person will come to the surface, enabling each member of our people to merit the Redemption.

As the Mishnah states: “All Jews have a share in the World to Come, as it says, (Isaiah 60:21), “Thy people are all righteous; they shall inherit the land for ever, the branch of my planting, the work of my hands, that I may be glorified.”